I Want A Refund
Adulting is hard. If I had known it would be this hard when I was kid, I wouldn't have wanted to grow up so quickly. I wouldn't have desired the responsibility and "coolness" that came with being a grown up. If I had really known what awaited after college, I might not have been in such a hurry.
If I had really known what having a full-time job was like, I might have enjoyed my downtime more. I might have gone more places, done more things, on my days off. Now I feel like I have such a limited amount of time to do all the things I want to do. Now I'm tired all the time.
There's a lot of things that if I could have known the future, I would have done things differently.
If you had told me this season, this hardship, would lead me to a new church, I would have never believed you. If you had told me it would lead me to new friends, I would have laughed (then cried) in your face. If you had told me it would allow me to grow in myself and my faith, I would have never believed you.
And yet...here I am. This season has caused me to do a lot of firsts and a lot of discovery (and re-discovery). That is how I know God is there--because even in this storm, He has blessed me.
If I had really known what all this was going to cost, would it have really changed anything? I don't know. We can't live in hypotheticals and unanswerable questions. But I do know this: I may not have known what it would cost, but I think I got more than I thought I would.
So maybe I don't want a refund after all.