Feeling Like A Fraud
Has someone ever complimented you, or even made a nice comment, and you suddenly feel like it's all a lie? Have you ever, in a moment, thought you were a fraud? In the Christmas card my dad sent me, he said he follows the blog (hi daddy!) and is impressed by my faith, grace, and patience. Amongst other comments, it was one that made me cry, and I had this panicked moment of "if this is how he sees me, how do others see me?" That was quickly followed by one terrified thought: "am I a fraud?"
I've said it many times already, but I'm going to say it again: I'm not the "perfect Christian." I don't read my Bible every day like I should. I swear sometimes, especially when I get angry. I don't always respond in the best way, especially if you've "interrupted" the way I was doing things. I struggle with my own demons of insecurity, anxiety, depression, and mental self-sabotage. I have been angry at God and blamed Him, and I still struggle with that. I don't feel patient. At times, I feel like I don't have a lot of faith.
But those are exactly the things that keep us from being frauds.
Imposter Syndrome is a real thing, and it can affect us in many capacities in life, so we have to focus on the truth. But more than the truth of our abilities--the truth of God. He says we are loved, so we can walk in that knowledge and pass that love to others. He says His grace is sufficient, so we can walk in that grace and show it to others. He says that "faith as small as a mustard seed" can move mountains, so we can give our testimony as that proof.
Showing our imperfections and our struggles shows authenticity. It shows how God has worked in our lives. We have all grown in our faith in ways that are unique to us, because God has unique plans for every one. It's not fake to show that you need God.
And if you are being honest about how He has showed up in your life, then you are not a fraud.