Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
Do you sometimes have a voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough? Or that you should give up because you didn’t do it right the first time? Maybe it shames you and makes you feel guilt. I can totally relate.
For the longest time, if I didn’t get something on the first try, I would feel so much guilt. I think I just have really high expectations of myself and a romanticized vision of the world. I would internalize that and believe the enemy’s lies that I was not a good person, and I would spiral into deep shame. I couldn’t seem to shake it. For some reason, I had to be the best, and my best was never good enough.
But something has changed.
At my therapy appointment yesterday, I was expressing how I was frustrated that something I thought would come easier for me actually isn’t. Then I said that I’ll just continue to work on it and have a positive outlook on the process.
“You used to internalize these feelings,” she told me. “I haven’t seen you do that in a really long time. This is a huge improvement for you.”
As she said it, I realized how true it was. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. But they aren’t as intense as they used to be. And I know that changed when I finally leaned into Jesus.
I know that sounds entirely too cliche, but it’s the truth. When I finally built a church community, when I began serving with my church, when I started really paying attention and talking to God…I felt a shift. Every time I think I want to give up on a big goal, I pause a moment and ask God to get me through it. I ask Him for courage, strength, endurance, patience, and passion every day. Every time I get frustrated, I can feel the nudge: I created you. You are more than good enough.
I know what it’s like to have high expectations for yourself and feel like you can’t reach them. I know what it’s like to feel frustrated, to feel not good enough. But I want to encourage you that you are good enough. In fact, you’re more than good enough. Because God created you, and He created you for a specific purpose. The mistakes you make now (because, Lord knows, we all make mistakes) are preparing you to be the best you can be in your purpose. They are teaching you strength.
Friend, you are learning and growing. Give yourself a little grace, and accept God’s grace to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.