Day 23: Guilt
How did it go?
There is a reason the saying is “guilt ridden.” The word ridden means to be full of something bad or unpleasant. When you are guilt ridden, you are full of guilt.
I made some choices based on what I thought I wanted and what I thought would most benefit my family. At some point, those choices ended up not being what I anticipated, in a lot of ways. In fact, they’ve become unhealthy.
An internal battle ensued. I had made this decision, and I was stuck with it. I have to pay for what I did. There’s no backing out. Right? The guilt crept in, hard and fast.
My therapist asked me one week if my guilt was serving me a purpose, and I wasn’t really sure how to respond. Was it? Or was I allowing it to consume me without learning anything from it?
“I guess…it’s not?” I said, utterly confused.
Then she suggested something that changed my outlook: “Maybe it’s helping you see what you want and who you don’t want to be, so you can be better prepared for the future.”
I hadn’t thought guilt could serve any type of purpose. When it becomes a problem, though, is when it becomes all-consuming and we don’t forgive ourselves.
And that’s what I’ve been struggling with, which leads to a whole different set of issues.
What did I learn?
Feeling guilty has made me feel like there’s no way out. Because I felt guilty, I felt I had no right to be unhappy. After all, I had gotten myself into the mess, so I have to pay for it, right?
We are the ones that beat ourselves up over guilt, not God. When we get off the path, He will change our direction.
I felt that change today.
Something came over me, and I just felt as if He is moving, trying to teach me something. I’m tired of feeling as if I have no right to try to get out of something that isn’t meant for me, because God has something better in store. For the first time in a while, I felt empowered to do what I need to do.
I have set a goal for myself by the end of this challenge. That means I have 7 days to accomplish that goal. And I finally feel powerful enough to at least try.
Is guilt eating at you? Has it served its purpose and now you're just wallowing? I encourage you to give it to God. He forgives us for everything we have ever done, and He tells us our slate is wiped clean. Let Him free you.