The Struggle At The Onset
I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, stared at my reflection, and began to cry. I had this overwhelming sense of anger, sadness, and just plain “I can’t anymore.” And I knew that a depressive episode was imminent, if it had not already come on.
My problem is I am still struggling to recognize what exactly sets off my episodes, especially because this doesn’t feel like the same reason I had episodes in the past. None of the old triggers were there. But I don’t know what it was exactly that set me off.
Have you ever felt like that? Your heart hurts, your soul aches, but you just don’t know why?
The fact of the matter is I know I’m not spending enough time with God and in His word. I’m allowing my excuses of being tired and work to override my soul’s need for my Savior. And it’s beginning to take its toll. I’ve been working on reading my Bible to center myself in the evenings, and I would like to get started in that habit in the mornings because I know how much better I feel when I do.
To anyone recovering from a depressive episode or struggling through one, know you aren’t alone. And if you aren’t sure what put you in that state, pause and take inventory of what was going on in your head when you felt it and what is going on in your head as you navigate through it.
What do you do to navigate less than positive feelings? Do you always know what puts you in a downcast state?