What Is Strength?
"Strength comes from doing what you thought you couldn't do." Okay, so this is actually from the trainer with the Beachbody exercise program I've just started. She uses it to push you to give a little more in your workout, but it rings true for life.
If you had asked me a year ago if I would make it through this storm, I would have said "no." Beyond that, if you had ever before asked me if I could handle this type of devastation, I would have said no. But the year and a half has changed me.
Because I was thrust into (extreme) discomfort, God had an opportunity to pour into me in ways I had not before imagined. It caused me to draw near to Him. A year ago was the first time I truly cried out to Him, and I have felt Him with me ever since.
This time last year I was a complete mess. I was so depressed I could barely function. I wanted to sleep all day, wishing I could just sleep away the problems. But sleep didn't solve anything, and, in fact, it started to make things worse. So I pulled what my pastor once referred to as a "Hail Mary": I called out to God more sincerely than I ever have in my life. And then I started going to church.
And that's when I started to gain strength.
I was suddenly surrounded by people who I felt comfortable opening up to. I was talking and socializing, something I didn't think I was capable of. (I had even told a friend of mine I didn't want to make friends at the time because I couldn't be a good friend because I was struggling too much.) I started thinking about leaving the job, and then I did. I gained confidence as I began writing more. I was talking more than I had in weeks. I still remember the first real smile I had after everything, and do you want to guess where it happened? At church.
A friend (let's call her A) recently told me her boyfriend had expressed to her that he thought A and I would become close because we are both so social. I looked at her for a moment, laughed, and said, "I'm really not that social." But it was then I had a realization: God had given me the strength to keep pressing on and to socialize when I had never thought I could.
So here I am.
A year ago today, I couldn't even think about lasting all day outside let alone beginning a new exercise or health regimen. A year ago today, I was so distraught I thought I would never smile again. A year ago today, I couldn't tell you who or what I was. A year ago today, I was not who I am today.
Today, I proudly call myself a writer. Today, I make plans with girl friends to go do things. Today, I can leave my phone at home without having anxiety. Today, I sleep because I am exhausted from a job I enjoy. Today, I don't always have to force a smile or a laugh. Today, I can breathe.
I never thought I would be able to get through this. I am by no means saying my storm has passed, but I know I can stand firm in the storm because God is my strength. I have a mental picture of myself standing in the midst of a tornado, as it is swirling around me, but I am unmoving.
We battle what we do for a reason. I believe that reason is so God can use it to strengthen us, to make us turn to Him, to enhance the relationship we have with Him. If you're in the middle of a storm, know that you will get strength as you press into God and He walks you through the darkness.
So, sure, strength in exercising is important, and you gain muscle by pushing yourself. But you strengthen your faith "muscle" by believing even when it seems like your world is crumbling. It can be scary, and it is not easy at all, but it is worth it.